Journey thats already over a decade long...

Background on me:
1. I was diagnosed with type II diabetes right before I turned 21
2. I've dealt with emotions good or bad with food for as long as I can remember 
3. I am a single mom. But I have so much family support its hilarious. Thank God for big families
4. I was very athletic till I made excuses, even then I tried to be active though.
5. I have tried every known popular diet out there, even to the point of get an expensive personal trainer
6. I will not fail in this new journey, because I have given up too many times, and I am not a quitter!

Over the last few months I have become very aware of a big problem. It wasn't something that just happened, but instead stuck up on you like a tiger stalks its prey. I am officially at the point where I am considered morbidly obese! I cried when I saw the numbers on the scale, same as I have every other time I've step on. Tears that I have repeatedly washed away with a binge eating episode. I can not continue with the cycle anymore because my life is worth so much more than a pint of Ben and Jerry's or a super burrito. 

So I began looking for something else. Something that a doctor could help me with, and my primary doctor sent me to a weigh management doctor this last March. Then life hit and I said F*** it, and let things fall where they may. Because I have repeatedly for years chosen this path of giving up and saying its too hard.

Then about a month ago I had a back to back appointment with my weight management doctor and endocrinologist. Yup, I have been steadily gaining even in the face of trying to loss weight through any mean necessary.  They had confirmed, it was time to look at an extreme measure, a tool that I could not imagine choosing, weight loss surgery. Prescription diet pills had failed(you know ADHD over drive and jitters lead to bad teaching), weight watchers never worked, nutri-system was a waste of money, and all other "diets" were started but slowly I just stopped because there was no progress after a few pounds. 

Weight loss surgery though! seriously? Dr Cristie had mentioned it at our first meeting as the next step and I wasn't one of those people that would need it, so I thought. I freaked out but agreed to attend orientation, it couldn't hurt to research, right? Well I left feeling like this was something that should have happened  years ago, after the first $10,000 was wasted on gyms, diet food, and programs that never lasted longer than 6 months.  Then I researched online and got a consult scheduled. All within a week!

Today is the day I meet with the surgeon. I am so anxious and that anxiety led to a bit too much eating at a pre-thanksgiving event so the scale has increased not to mention that my cycle is due to start any minute.  So I am not sure what their scale says but here is mine. and I will get measurements at the office and ask to see them for my own records since my meeting last month did not share with me. 

I am hoping that Dr. Legha will consider me for bypass. I have just under a hundred pounds to loss, but with bypass I am more likely to see the reversal or minimization of my diabetes. I am also concerned about removing a large portion of a my stomach that can not be undone. I worry about if things go to far and I can't stop losing or my body gets broken some how. With the sleeve I can't do much to fix it versus the bypass there is a medical necessary ability to reattach. Strange fear, I know, but still there. Well till this evening or tomorrow! 

Current weight: 238 lbs. 
Goal weight to be at a healthy stable BMI: 140-150 lbs. 

insurance (via co-worker who had surgery in Aug.) requires 3 months of nutritional counseling appointments.

program requires: nutritional appts. and clearance, EKG, sleep apnea test, psychological clearance,  and two orientations. Once that is all completed insurance is submitted. Last surgeon consult will be to make final decisions for which surgery and date, or if insurance denies I don't know.