okay so I suck at updating timely...

Eval went well... The social worker was nice though late and I was on edge. She expressed the need for me to get back into counseling. I know this and it is like number 4 on my to do list.  Overall though I was cleared that day!

Move on to Feb. 7! Took an extra hour to get there but I made it to my surgeons office. We had a 5 minute discussion and he gave me a date!!! I will be having gastric bypass April 5, 2017 as long as I get approval. I was signed up for a March 7th pre op class to take as my last NUT appointment and also to start preparing.

Today was the March 7 appointment! It went by quickly. Liquid stage is sounding a bit scary but anything to get rid of my diabetes ;or at least reduce my need for insulin.

food has become more about needing it already rather than wanting it.Then  have days like today and I feel like I have taken so many steps backwards. We were told today to make a positive out of our feelings of deprivation. I am not choosing to look at it that way. Instead I am thinking of it as 20-30 years more life, a healthier me, a more energetic and happy me. Heres hoping I can stick with that... no gaining now!Just losing!
caio

And now I am anxious... but not...

Went to support group on the 17th. It was nice but my anxiety is so high about the pschy eval. I wish I didn't have to wait as much as I do.

I worry that the person I will be seeing will say no or that I need longer to prepare and I already feel like I might back out if the wrong thing is said. This is just so scary on some levels. I want this tool, but it seems like it could become a threat, or might not fix the diabetes that I deal with. Both of which I am not sure I can deal with very well.

I have been tracking as much as possible and trying to organized my food better. But I realized how addicted I am to Starbucks and the ease of fast food. Yes I can make healthy decisions there, but it is still not good for me or my pocket book. I worry that I won't be able to stop. But I am trying.

I've cut down to three times a week at Starbucks, and I am trying to stay away from fast food at all cost.Work makes that harder... How do people prep meals? That is my number one issue. I can't seem to time manage meal prep into my day as well and I'd like. Though now its just breakfast and not lunch too. or Lunch and dinner. I can't believe what I was eating. Tracking is a life saver.

Well today I see the social worker/ counselor for my psychological eval. I thought I'd be more stressed but I am actually excited. I am hoping she might have a suggestion for a counselor outside that deal with food addiction and using food as an emotional crutch ( my number one issues).

Wish me Luck

First group nutrition appointment ( and probably the last ) Jan. 2 2017

So there are group nutrition appointments... at NOON! It is like they think we don't have jobs or lives outside of this decision and process. Luck for me I was on vacation, so got to make the one and only group appointment of this process.

I wish I could make more. I am normally really held back with group things. my problems are my own, but I really liked the people that were there and everyone was in the same boat. It was nice to feel that camaraderie. Got to learn alot of the new types of vitamins I will need and got lots of samples! Yes!

Left feeling very set again and up lifted because my semi- tracking lead to 3 lbs down! Now to survive back to work. One down side was learning that I'd need an additional nutritional appointment because one of the ones I had from before wasn't going to count. I hope this doesn't jepordize my ideal surgery date, but whenever it happens is good! I just want to be able to take the time off around a holiday.

Jan. 17 is support group! Which is awesome! So heres to getting the steps done! Still no photos, want an outift that I can use for a while. So have to decided on that soon.

jan.17 group
Jan 26 psych eval
Feb 7 Dr legha
Feb. 14 nutritionist

Last weeks mess ( dec. 5)

So last week I met with the bariatric nutritionist for the first time. But it was a big complicated before I got there.

So I got sick! I got all the vitamins and started taking them and I got sick! Like horribly ill, couldn't get out of bed sick. I lost my voice completely the over the weekend before my meet up with Jill and was worried I'd be signing and using a notepad to communicate! oh and it was my Birthday on my appointment day.

The day came around, had some help cleaning the house, then took a shower. Got some lunch and my voice started to not feel like sandpaper every time I used it. Finally the time came and headed for Jill's office! Our meeting was wonderful! I left feeling like I truly was making the right decision and not feeling so on the fence. The booklet we get was helpful, though most of it was covered in the orientation or on the sites I have been obsessing over.

Heres to the holidays

First Surgeon Consult and the upcoming events of WLS land

Well on 11/22 I drove up to see my Surgeon and the Weight Loss Surgery director lady Susan. Had been told the appointment would take up to 2 hrs! It ended up being only 1 hour. Dr Legha was amazing. I was so nervous and his direct and calm manner made me feel better, not to mention Susan also tried to make me at ease.

Dr. Legha checked me out and reviewed with me my previous weight loss attempts, what I wanted from WLS, and what my questions were so far. I was so nervous that my BP spiked! By the end I left feeling more resolute about my decision and ready for all the next steps. Susan told me my insurance requires 6 months of supervised weight loss and that my April September and November appointments counted towards that! reviewed a few other things and got sent home with a referral to bariatric nutritionist, social worker and a Feb. 7th consult about surgery with Dr. Legha!

Next step being taken so far:
1. previously done sleep apnea testing and  3 sessions with the NUT/ weight management doctor
2. Go to last appt. with weight management Doctor 11/29 and first new NUT appointment 12/5!
3. Go to two more additional appointments before 2/7/17!
4. Meet with Dr. Legha 2/7/17 and submit paperwork at that time!

As long as insurance is timely I could maybe be in for surgery April 1! Which is ideal since I teach and that is my spring break!

This all seems surreal. Like I am watching from above and things just keep happening. I will be doing starting weight and measurements with Dr Cristie for the last time on Tuesday. With those I will also take my official starting pictures and post them!

Till then...

Journey thats already over a decade long...

Background on me:
1. I was diagnosed with type II diabetes right before I turned 21
2. I've dealt with emotions good or bad with food for as long as I can remember 
3. I am a single mom. But I have so much family support its hilarious. Thank God for big families
4. I was very athletic till I made excuses, even then I tried to be active though.
5. I have tried every known popular diet out there, even to the point of get an expensive personal trainer
6. I will not fail in this new journey, because I have given up too many times, and I am not a quitter!

Over the last few months I have become very aware of a big problem. It wasn't something that just happened, but instead stuck up on you like a tiger stalks its prey. I am officially at the point where I am considered morbidly obese! I cried when I saw the numbers on the scale, same as I have every other time I've step on. Tears that I have repeatedly washed away with a binge eating episode. I can not continue with the cycle anymore because my life is worth so much more than a pint of Ben and Jerry's or a super burrito. 

So I began looking for something else. Something that a doctor could help me with, and my primary doctor sent me to a weigh management doctor this last March. Then life hit and I said F*** it, and let things fall where they may. Because I have repeatedly for years chosen this path of giving up and saying its too hard.

Then about a month ago I had a back to back appointment with my weight management doctor and endocrinologist. Yup, I have been steadily gaining even in the face of trying to loss weight through any mean necessary.  They had confirmed, it was time to look at an extreme measure, a tool that I could not imagine choosing, weight loss surgery. Prescription diet pills had failed(you know ADHD over drive and jitters lead to bad teaching), weight watchers never worked, nutri-system was a waste of money, and all other "diets" were started but slowly I just stopped because there was no progress after a few pounds. 

Weight loss surgery though! seriously? Dr Cristie had mentioned it at our first meeting as the next step and I wasn't one of those people that would need it, so I thought. I freaked out but agreed to attend orientation, it couldn't hurt to research, right? Well I left feeling like this was something that should have happened  years ago, after the first $10,000 was wasted on gyms, diet food, and programs that never lasted longer than 6 months.  Then I researched online and got a consult scheduled. All within a week!

Today is the day I meet with the surgeon. I am so anxious and that anxiety led to a bit too much eating at a pre-thanksgiving event so the scale has increased not to mention that my cycle is due to start any minute.  So I am not sure what their scale says but here is mine. and I will get measurements at the office and ask to see them for my own records since my meeting last month did not share with me. 

I am hoping that Dr. Legha will consider me for bypass. I have just under a hundred pounds to loss, but with bypass I am more likely to see the reversal or minimization of my diabetes. I am also concerned about removing a large portion of a my stomach that can not be undone. I worry about if things go to far and I can't stop losing or my body gets broken some how. With the sleeve I can't do much to fix it versus the bypass there is a medical necessary ability to reattach. Strange fear, I know, but still there. Well till this evening or tomorrow! 

Current weight: 238 lbs. 
Goal weight to be at a healthy stable BMI: 140-150 lbs. 

insurance (via co-worker who had surgery in Aug.) requires 3 months of nutritional counseling appointments.

program requires: nutritional appts. and clearance, EKG, sleep apnea test, psychological clearance,  and two orientations. Once that is all completed insurance is submitted. Last surgeon consult will be to make final decisions for which surgery and date, or if insurance denies I don't know.